September from Hell

She's wearing the garb to fit the times, even if she does look pretty pleased with the day.

I have been loathe to file any new posts, lately, and I can't chalk it up to any one thing, but, rather, a series of unfortunate events that have culminated in this, the ninth circle - er, month.

Never fully recovered from food poisoning, sent my son off to preschool, went to the doctor, had him freak out on my ankle and then hastily schedule surgery, which prompted me to freak out, had a chunk of my epidermis and dermis carved out, got eight stitches, had no child care help, discovered all too late that my two children decided to switch their sleep schedules to an ambitious wake-up time of 5:45 a.m., worried over a grandmother in the hospital and a mother who went in for yet another surgery, worried over friends going through hell, tried to find child care, couldn't find it, couldn't get energy or sleep. Couldn't walk well for a week, had to withdraw from my Mandarin class because of poor scheduling.

And yet. Here we are, at the end of the month, and things are looking up. I took out my stitches myself today, since the skin was growing around them and making the ankle look exceedingly angry. The kids are still waking up at 5:45 a.m., but I am learning to live with it. I have gone back to coffee after a month's hiatus, 'tis true. This helps for an hour.

I am still worried about other loved ones. I know I am lucky, by comparison. That, more than anything, prompted me to stop whinging and just get back to it. I still don't know if I am going to continue this blog, because I am ambivalent on its merit, nowadays. There is so much I could be doing; should I be getting on a puny little podium and ranting? There are good stories to be told. There are many things to enjoy each day. I have spent this past month in limbo, because of the aforementioned events and because I haven't had any healthy stretch of sleep, and this makes me second-guess everything, including whether or not I am turning into a horrible parent, being of a short fuse for two active toddlers who are testing their boundaries in the world. I have to get over myself, and remember they are simply testing their world's limits, and not my patience.

So I will leave this post on a good note, and post pictures of the kiddos taken during the past month.

Comments

[Jaynet Tagami]

I for one love your comments. You don't stand alone. Some days, weeks, months throw too many curves. Everyone, it seems, is also stressed about the state of the world at this moment in time. The pictures certainly cheer me.

[elizabeth]

Dude! I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Things will get better! (and there is always a Thursday beer in your future...)
As for the blog, don't quit! I would be sad not to be able to read about your life, even when it's not going so smoothly.
That said, even if it doesn't always feel like it, the blog is an outlet for creativity and writing. If you're going to do it, do it for you. See you soon?!